This week has/will be one of the roughest weeks that I have faced in awhile. It’s going to be a lot. My ex-fiance’ messaged me to let me know that my dog (the one I left behind for my step-daughter, because she loved her so very much) was really struggling. Health wise, she was not doing well and he has made the decision to end her suffering this week. Zoe was the first dog my ex-husband and I rescued from the pound. She was the dog that was there for me when I was going through a divorce. She was by myside through everything. She’s even been there for my friends, when they were going through hard times. When I left, she was there for my stepdaughter. When my stepdaughter passed away, she was there for my ex. And she has been there for him through a lot, since I left. She was my first baby. She was my snuggler, my always there, my little rock. It’s going to kill me to say goodbye to her, but I think that she knows that she has helped enough and it is her time to rest.

Then, Thursday, my sweet Zena gets her surgery. How do I say bye to such a big part of my life and then send another one to surgery? I don’t know what I would do without Zena now. She has literally saved my life (similar to the way that Zoe did) I’m having to tell one goodbye and praying that the other pulls through her surgery. I can’t lose them both. They are my little rocks that have gotten me through.

It sounds bad, but I feel like I have learned that I can’t depend on people, like I can depend on dogs. It’s really sad, right? It’s sad that that’s how I feel. It’s just the more I put into people, the more I get hurt – it’s not the same with animals. ‘

So, now since I am definitely all up in my feels and need to figure out a way to calm my mind. . . Let’s do a journal prompt. (Is there anything that you would like me to write about? Or anything that I could write about that you think might help me? What do you want to know or see me respond to?)

Tonight the prompt is: “Think about how you would spend a day doing only the things that make you feel excited, happy, engaged or fulfilled. Free-write a list of everything you would include in this day, from the time you wake up until you head to bed at night. Reread your list and choose at least one item to incorporate into your schedule today.”

Let me see if I could do this. First off, I would disconnect from my phone entirely, that would really make me happy. I would wake up in the morning (with no alarm clock). The sun would be shining and and it would be 85 degrees. I do love my Tuesday Pool Days, because I always spend those alone tanning by the pool, but this would be a lake day. A day where I had zero work responsibilities on my mind. A day where I could hook up my jetski and just go. Lake days have always been my favorite. They look a little different than they used to. Back home it was all my friends and family for the week in my camper and theirs. Now, I have sold my camper, so it’s just lake days here. It would be filled with friends and feeling the cool splashes hit my face, as I ride over the waves, boats have left behind. It would be the free feeling of going where ever, however fast, until I wanted. I would spend all day listening to music and being on the water. When the sun was finally going behind the clouds and the breeze would began to cool, I would head to Mexican. Nothing hits the spot like some Mexican food and Margaritas after. I would then come home, shower, get in the biggest sweatpants I could find and snuggle up on the couch. I can’t lie, I would probably play some COD too. It does seem to make me happy.

I don’t know, that all just seems to keep my mind on things that I would want a day to include that would make me really happy, to calm my mind. If I wanted to use my mind and go all out, I would say I would play softball all day like I do Friday-Sunday. 🙂 It’s just not as relaxing, because typically I hurt something and pretend I don’t and then it lasts forever and no one knows.

Okay, I think I have written enough. I just – I don’t know. I don’t know how to turn this into a good situation. I really don’t. I need help. Distract me. What else can I write about? Let me know!