Have you ever felt so alone when you’re around people? In my opinion, that is one of the worst feeling that you can feel. I wish I could write and explain how it feels. I’ve felt it so many times in my life. I’m the person that is the center of attention. I take control of the room. I love to laugh and joke and just try to make it seem like I enjoy every second of every day. However, anxiety, depression, and ADHD tend to control my brain, in every situation. I want more than anything to be happy. I want to enjoy the moments that I have with people, because I know that life is too short. I just . . . can’t.

My brain runs in so many directions. It’s like a ping pong ball inside my brain that goes from — Are you good enough at work? Are you good enough for your boyfriend? Are you good enough for your family? Are you good enough for your friends? Are you doing enough? It’s an overload that consumes me. All the time. Everyday. Do I take medicine that helps? Yep! Do I still have panic attacks? Yep!

I think about how much I love being an “Independent Boss Ass Bitch” — or at least, that’s what I want to think of myself as. No one sees the “behind the curtains” of it all though. It’s worrying all the time. It’s pushing myself to work every day. It’s fighting my demons to get out of the bed, to shower, to put on a happy face. I make sure all the time that I make enough money to support everything. I make sure that I don’t “need” anyone to help me. I am terrible at delegating because I am such a perfectionist. I push myself to every limit, because in the back of my mind, I think about every female that has reached out to me in my business that said, “you’re the reason that I keep going” and “you’re the reason that I know that I can do more”. I say, “yes” to everything. I try my very hardest to not show “weakness”.

How do you let people down that hold you to such high standards? You don’t. Regardless of how you feel about yourself, you keep pushing. Regardless of how you feel in any “fight” you might be facing, you keep going. It’s not easy. This is never easy. Nothing is ever easy. You just have to. Right? At what point though, are you tired of pushing forward?