I haven’t written in so long. I think when things are going well in my life, I don’t “need” to write. I don’t “need” to get things out that are bogging down my brain. Today though, I do. I need to write. My Granny has not been doing well for a while now. She’s 84 years old and couldn’t weigh more than 80 lbs now. It’s breaking my heart to see this strong willed, God loving woman so frail. I went home for a week and got to spend some time with her, but I still feel like it wasn’t enough. I got a call from my parents today, letting me know that Hospice would be surprised if she made it through the day and that she wasn’t really responding. My parents went to visit with her and she was in and out of sleep. They Facetimed me and as soon as she heard my voice say, “Hey Granny! I love you!”, she opened her eyes right up and told me that she loved me. I wish I could put into words what that meant to me.

Listen, I get it, we all lose our grandparents eventually, but that doesn’t make it easy. She’s the last grandparent that I have and she has always been such a shining spot in my life. I always knew that I could call her late at night because she is a night owl like me. She worried and prayed for me constantly. I was able to talk to her about understanding and working through anxiety and depression. She has seen so much of it in her life and I think she was proud of me that I keep pushing through. I hope that she was proud of me for a lot of things. I am so glad that she was able to see me graduate, have a good job, move away from my hometown, and do things that we never thought were possible. I’m so thankful that she had so many people that loved her so much (I can’t even begin to describe all the outpour I’ve gotten) I can only hope that I impact as many people as she has. ❤ For now, I’m just waiting on the call . . .

I feel like I need to update what’s been going on in my life. This has all came at such a crazy time. It’s one of the busiest times for work. I’m also getting ready to move the end of the month. I’m still in 4 softball leagues, managing 2 of them. I’m looking to buy a house in the next 6 months. My mind is basically going a million miles a minute. I think it has been good for me though because I am able to stay busy.

My boyfriend and I are moving in together and I am so excited! I have so much to do, but he is so willing to help, it amazes me. He has been so incredible through this whole process with Granny and with going back and forth to the mountains for work. He’s driven me to be with my family at 2:30 in the morning. He’s hung out with my family while I worked for hours. I honestly don’t know how I got so lucky. I really don’t. He loves me unconditionally and truly wants to do everything in his power to be there for me and support me.

If someone would have told me a two years ago that this is where I would be, I would have never believed them. I wouldn’t believe the things I have been through and the person that I have become. Through heartache, anxiety, depression, and a whole lot of mistakes, I’ve really came to be who I am supposed to be. There was a time that I didn’t think I was going to make it. That I sobbed in my apartment asking God to just make it all stop. And here I am. I’m on the other side. I’m happy. Truly happy. I love someone so much that I could never picture being with anyone else. I know this is exactly where I am supposed to be and who I’m supposed to be with. I also have the best group of friends that I could ask for. True friends. That don’t “need” me for anything. I have realized the past few months, that I haven’t always had the best of friends like I thought that I did. So, there is hope. For people that have made a million mistakes, hurt a lot of people, and been hurt by people you thought would never hurt you.

For anyone fighting demons in their head, I know that “keep going”, “it just takes time”, “it’ll get better”, all mean nothing. I know that. It doesn’t feel that way and it may not for awhile, but know that I’m here. I made it. Will there be tough times ahead? I’m sure, but now, now I’m stronger because of what I have been through. I will continue to fight my head every single day, but I know that I have an amazing group around me and I’m about to have one of the most amazing Angels watching over me!!