There are probably a ton more that I should list, but I am going to go with my top 10.

1. The mistakes that I made in the past. I have been forgiven by the people I hurt, but I have yet to forgive myself for hurting them. I feel so guilty. And I need to figure out how to let that go.
2. I need to let go of the people that have hurt me. Completely let them go. Sometimes that can be hard too. It’s completely letting them go without ever letting them back in. No millionth chance, no hoping it will be different, just forgetting, even without closure.
3. I need to let go of the fact that people are sexist. It’s going to happen. Everywhere. It’s been how many years and shit hasn’t changed? You just have to prove yourself. Over and over and over again.
4. I need to let go of wishing things were different. Life never works out exactly the way that you plan. Ever. And thinking and wishing things were different isn’t going to change it. People make decisions and while it might not be what you had in mind, you can’t change it.
5. The person that people think that I am. I’m not the small town girl anymore. I’ve grown in more ways than I could ever begin to explain. The thing is, I don’t need to explain that to anyone. If you know me, you know. If you don’t know, then maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought.
6. Expectations. Other’s expectations really. You’re too fat, you’re too skinny, you’re too tall, you’re too loud, you’re too outspoken, you’re too open with people, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not this, you’re not that. Fuck expectations that other people have. Have your own. Hold yourself accountable to those, not what other people think.
7. I need to let go of the fact that others are going to treat you the way that you treat them. You could be amazing, do everything for them, do everything right, BUT that doesn’t mean it is going to be reciprocated. I think that’s something that everyone needs to understand.
8. Memories. There are some memories, that regardless of what you try to do, you will cherish them forever. There are also some memories that meant more to you than they should have and sometimes you need to let them go.
9. A planned out future. With Covid hitting, you never know what is going to happen with your life. I’ve always tried to have a plan and map things out, but lately, that’s been damn near impossible. So, it’s all about living each day the best that you can and not having so many plans and expectations.
10. The fact that when you move, you think people are actually going to come visit you. This isn’t true. You may get a visitor here and there, which is nice, but overall, no one comes. Everyone gets busy with their lives and you aren’t at the forefront of their minds. So, I need to let go of the thought that people will be here because they won’t. This is why I have tried so very hard to make new friends and experience new things with other people.

I haven’t written in awhile. It felt good to write. I have been so busy!! I’m going to leave this with some of my new favorite songs if anyone is interested in listening:

-Talk to a Friend – Slaves

-Til It Wasn’t – Chris Ruediger

-I’m not Pretty – Jessia

-I’m Not Mad – Halsey

-Monsters – All Time Low (ft. blackbear)